May 29, 2011

• Crazy little thing called "normal"

  Now that I have given myself the freedom to eat whatever it is I want (As long as I am hungry, eat without distraction and stop when I am satisfied. You know, like normal people), the "junk" foods are not as appealing. I am not focusing on losing weight right now (yikes), I am focusing on why I eat when I'm not hungry, why I need distraction and why I need to feel stuffed. Since following the guidelines and keeping a journal, I have actually unintentionally lost a little weight. What?
  I am learning how to be a "normal" eater. One that eats when they are hungry and stops when they are satisfied. No guilt. No diets. It's a novel idea.
  This has been an EXTREMELY scary process and not dieting has left me feeling naked and then .... liberated. I assumed that I would go crazy if I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted. I imagined myself scarfing down Krispy Kremes and drowing myself in chocolate milk at every meal, but this hasn't been the case ... much to my surprise. Lifting all of the guilty restrictions has changed everything.
  I think I am at an instant advantage because I truly enjoy nutritious foods. I have found that I am not choosing pizza 24/7, but am choosing to throw some coconut flakes and carob chips in my oatmeal instead. (Watch out. I'm cahrazy!) Now that the "bad foods" are off limits, they have lost much of their appeal. I now "splurge" by allowing myself to throw in extra goodies in my oatmeal and put both avocado AND dressing on my salad. I find that I am actually making very responsible, balanced choices even with all of the freedom I've granted myself. Because I love salads and beans, etc. I am ahead of the game already. This doesn't mean I never eat junk. The other day I ate a cheeseburger and fries. I ate until I was satisfied and threw the rest away. No big deal. I didn't die. I was hungry, I satisfied a want and moved on. Had I restricted myself I would have continued to want those fries until I caved and had a full-on binge/purge days later. Now I don't want the fries and probably won't again for a long time. I didn't eat them because I was feeling insecure or anxious and needed to fill a void, I didn't eat them because I was feeling the need to hide and be distracted ... I simply ate them because I wanted them. No emotional attachment.This is a whole new world for me.
  I'm learning so much in what seems like a relatively short amount of time. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but at least I'm on the road now. Overcoming this eating disorder is going to change so many things for me.
  Also, I recommend any book written by Geneen Roth.

  Now ... on to something even more sweet and beautiful.
  These little people (along with my (normal eater) spectacular husband) are a big part of my motivation to better myself. Every single day.
  

  • 9:56 pm
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