We made s'mores in my parents' backyard and went swimming while my sister was here.
A bit about my sister ... she has cerebral palsy and decided, not too long ago, to take her health into her own hands. She started eating more nutritious food and joined a fitness center. She has her own personal trainer there! She has gotten off of all her prescription meds and feels SO much better. She was picking both Freya and Mazie up during her visit ... I couldn't believe how strong she was. She will always have to wear her brace, but she has made so many improvements simply through diet and exercise. She is an inspiration. I'm so proud of her. Now, get off your buns and get moving!

I'm at my aunt's house in Ohio right now. They are out and my parents and sister are in Cinci for a wedding. Mazie, Freya and I have this big, beautiful house all to ourselves for a few hours ... there's so much room here, we're not sure what to do with it all. I think we'll go dip in the pool!
I miss Nate this weekend. We are both REALLY looking forward to having our weekends together again. He only has two more after this!! We haven't spent the weekend together since last June. Even though we'll need to dip into our savings every month to make ends meet, we feel that it's worth it. We can always build up our nest egg again, but we can never get back lost time together as a family.
Ok, so I've gotten all of my pictures organized and uploaded now. Here are a few from June when Mazie decided to play dress up. It was nearing nap time as made evident in the last two pictures ...

I have so many pictures to post. This past weekend was great and I especially appreciate (there are just no words to express this adequately, heads up) the fact that I can walk into a holiday party ah-loaded with food and not feel as anxious or overwhelmed as I used to. (side note: really weird to be sitting here on the couch, watching my ex-hubs park his car down the street. Small town. Just sittin' here, minding my own business.) Tomorrow morning I'm hittin' the gym again. I always have a little performance anxiety after a few days off, but I'm heading in anyway. I spent many years feeling inadequate and not good enough for the gym and sometimes those old, irritating feelings (lies! all lies!) creep back in. I hate insecurity.
I'm strong. I'm mobile. I'm capable.
My body was created to move. So, there.

Love this candid pic by Nate,
taken after a day of swimming and frolicking with the fam.
So content

A few years ago, when Nate lived in Illinois and I lived in Indiana, one of us would travel to see the other one every single weekend. At the end of one weekend he came back to Indiana with me to work on the house he was getting ready to sell.
The evening was chilly and calm, the rain was creating the most soothing sounds on the windshield and the sun was setting early as it does still in early spring. I fell asleep in the passenger seat near the end of our trip and as we were nearing the lake Nate woke me up and said, "I have a song for you."
It had been a long, difficult summer/fall/winter for us and there I was ... coming home from a trip taken specifically to spend time with this man that I adored ... resting in the comforts of a beautiful song that was being played just for me ... still drifting in and out of my dreams. I watched the silhouettes of trees against the dusk while listening to the rhythm of the rain in the background and felt a tranquility that had been eluding me for months. It was just me and Nate and the rest of the world. I knew, then and there, that this was important. I knew I would cherish this memory for a long time to come.
Six months later I walked down the aisle to a live version of this song, yet when I hear it today I am not reminded of my wedding. I am instead reminded of a cold, rainy evening that could have been like any other. But wasn't.
I still consider those moments as one of the best four minutes of my life.
Nate has a way with these things.

It's difficult for me to collect my thoughts when I'm run down and overwhelmed.
I'm sure I'm not alone in this?
Sleep around here has been hard to come by (teething, ear infections, insomnia ... you name it) and that always throws things out of whack.
This afternoon I asked Nate, "How do others Moms feel about this sort of thing? How do they not get frustrated or depressed by the consistent demands during a week like this?"
He assured me that a lot of Moms do get frustrated and feel defeated.
I guess I just assume they don't because I don't hear them complaining about it much and the ones they do complain, seem to complain about everything so I sort of write that off.

I will tell you, though ... pulling away from social networks (ie - Facebook and the like) and barely texting all week has helped. I need my world to be smaller. I need less distraction and more focus on my family. I'm the only Mommy these girls have and the only lady Nate has and I need to be present in the moment. Their moments. Our moments.
When my world becomes too big I have a difficult time giving this little family my best. In counseling yesterday we discussed that 'ignorance is bliss' and that allowing my thoughts, emotions, etc. to be bombarded by outside influences only clouds what is right in front of me.

So, I'm making my world a little smaller, setting my sights on the immediate and weeding out the distractions.

*****************

This is what I walked in on near the end of nap time the other day ...
(Notice how they are both wearing red? One solid, one polka dot. I oftentimes try to coordinate their outfits. )

Here is a very tender video memorial that Jeremy made for his triplet boys.

www.tipsontriplets.com

I've said before and I'll say it again ...
Do not take these days for granted.
Love passionately.
Keep growing!
Laugh readily.
Hold on tight!

My new (indoor/low lighting) camera lens FINALLY came in!!!!!!!!! You can expect more pics now that I can actually take them inside!!!!!!!!

Today I was thinking about this whole food "thing". Thing? Do I call it a thing? I don't know. Anyway, while I was cutting up strawberries to put in my salad today I remembered a time when all I ate was strawberries, provolone cheese and walnuts. It was the summer I left my ex and it was the only thing I could deal with. For like three weeks ... strawberries, cheese and walnuts and LOTS of it. Strange that I grabbed (haha. grabbed) on to something like that and found so much comfort in it.
There is nothing wrong with eating foods that bring us comfort. That's normal. All in balance and moderation ... being mindful about what we're eating and why ... not eating in chaos and for distraction.
Last weekend was really tough and I emailed Ann (nutrition therapist) and she had the following to say ...

Remember, your past does not define who you are now.
The "old" way never worked, and never will.
You do not need food to cope, because food just does not have
the ability to provide clarity and purpose.
Food just muddies your ability to see/feel your true purpose.
If you want pizza, ice cream . . . eat them with attention, not chaos.
Ask for help from people around you that you trust and love.

Food is not a friend, but it's not an enemy. It just is. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's boring. Sometimes it's comforting, sometimes it's simply there to satiate our hunger.
Food is a gift from God and we are meant to enjoy it, not abuse it.

Everyday I'm a little bit closer to complete recovery.

Here's a little video I made for Nate

Another post without pictures or videos? I know. I'm ashamed ... I feel my readership dwindling as I type this, before I've even hit 'save'. My goal during nap time tomorrow is to put some pictures up and boy, do I have some cute ones. For now, you are subjected to merely words so I will keep it short and simple.
Freya is sleeping in the nursery tonight and not our room. She's been sleeping in there during the day for some time, but tonight is her first overnight. I'm sad. This phase is always tough for me to let go of. I know that it's time and if I wait longer I'm subjecting us all to a bad habit that could potentially be a real pain to break. (Like the swaddling thing. Next baby, no swaddling. Remind me.)
I just looked over at Nate, who is lounging on the couch, and he is on his side with one leg up in the air, stretching. He's frozen like that. I'm not sure if I should say anything or not. Oh, he's done. Here goes ...
Me: How was your stretch?
Nate: It was good. It stretched.
And this is why I love my husband (besides all that junk like he's handsome, tall, selfless, gentle, etc.) because he doesn't waste time on unnecessary words. Boom. There it is. Good. It stretched. If he were to ask me I would go into detail about what it was exactly that I was stretching and what the cause was behind my need to stretch and so on. I make up for a lot of unused words in this house.
I suppose this post, which I was going to keep short and simple, is proof of my knack for wordiness.